hi.

sorry for the long silence.

i had my final exam.

many things need to be settled after that.

till now,
the settled thingy is only 15% out of total.

i'm tired.

holidays give me nightmares.

not like other, holidays is the long waited moment of all.

i wish all ended up here, now.

but i still breathing, i'm alive.

so i have to continue my life......

me

i want to be true in this blog.
even if people dont like this.
even if this put me in danger.
i just want to say....
i love u readers,
i love u friends,
i love u family,
i love u mama,
and
i love u HS.

sorry

dear readers,
i m sorry for anything wrote and will be written on this blog.
i may hurt u.
or i've hurt u so much.

i'm so sorry.
i just being honest,
for what i feel and think about.

again,
i'm trully sorry for any possible reason
caused by any post posted here.

bad

i dunno why... suddenly i felt so empty. my world is dusky.
completely murky.

actually,
it starts when i went for a blog-n-facebook walking.
it's been quite a while since i dunt do this kind of 'activity'.
well, i got spinal cord prob act, cant sit for so long till my body n legs feel numb.

so, i went to many blogs n facebook-profiles.
i found the belonging of many people that ever came into my life or i went to theirs,maybe?

but then,
i aware of something.

my heart is no longer strong.
it is easily ruptured and torn by conditions
through times and spaces.

hurm,
u know, when we read other people stories,
sometimes we have a bad feeling.
ENVY, maybe.
uh, dunt tell me that u r so perfect
and u r internally strong
so that u never come across
with such silly childish feeling.

come on....
it is a feeling.
so it can be controlled.
for better, worse or....anything!

i know this is bad
and this is wrong.

but sometimes,
u know what,
even we know the thing is negative,
we still having them weather as a n action or belonging.
subjective or concrete.

i'm not an angle,
neither you out there is.

but i hope u know what i feel.
even if u didnt understand.

cz blog is my dear diary.

which never exist
as an alibi
yet it is a witness of
my life's path.

i wish i can write more.
telling the world how innocent i am
for having this feeling.
and how
this feeling
comes by nature.
yet, i bet the world won't understand,
cz even my love ones do.

i know it is bad,
and i'm sorry...

how i wish to be happy.
for peace filling the porosity of my heart.

i want to be happy.
i deserve to be happy.
i'll find the happy the last breath of me.

even if i dont found it,
the quest of my effort
will be the one.

i will,
i
will.

tak nak study!

saya betul2 tak de mood nak study.
tak nak,
tak nak,
tak nak.....
....tatau kenape.

tolong la,
tak nak study.
tak penah wase gini.

siyeshly...

FB

k, suda ade fb ye kawan2....
haha.

actually,
manyak menda sangat3 na citer,
tapi mase tak de.
i'm sowie
(macam la ramai yang nak bace ape aku tulis ;P )

nanti ye....
ibu tell u the bed-time stories.

luv u dear readers,
tata~

hobby

today, after looooooooong lecture hour
of continuous approximately 6 hours,
i try to find something
that able to
make me smile instantly.

somehow,

i didn't found any?

what should i do?

i just missplaced my hobby
and i dun't have any, now.

i need
and
i want

a
HOBBY.

help me.
i'm suffering inside!
i kept disturbing other people
during my 'not-that-so-free'-time.
espseciall, YOU!